Sunday, June 27, 2010
I was wrong
I like to think that I can admit when I'm wrong, so here it is--I was wrong. My upcoming deployment is pretty much destroying me and my motherly sensibilities. I am really proud of all those men and women who can leave their families for months to a year and do so well. I just don't think I'm part of that crew. As Trent cried out "Mommy! Mommy!" last night in his sleep I was consumed by the guilt of knowing that he will cry that out and I won't be able to comfort him. That kills me. I am "mommy" and that should always be job #1. In hindsight, though I love my job and have a lot of satisfaction in what I do, I think I probably should have left the Navy prior to this tour. This one tour I fear is going to scar me for a very, very long time. I think our family will make it and I'll go on to finish out a fine career, but these feelings will not leave me easily.