Sunday, June 27, 2010

I was wrong

I like to think that I can admit when I'm wrong, so here it is--I was wrong. My upcoming deployment is pretty much destroying me and my motherly sensibilities.  I am really proud of all those men and women who can leave their families for months to a year and do so well.  I just don't think I'm part of that crew.  As Trent cried out "Mommy!  Mommy!" last night in his sleep I was consumed by the guilt of knowing that he will cry that out and I won't be able to comfort him.  That kills me.  I am "mommy" and that should always be job #1.  In hindsight, though I love my job and have a lot of satisfaction in what I do, I think I probably should have left the Navy prior to this tour.  This one tour I fear is going to scar me for a very, very long time.  I think our family will make it and I'll go on to finish out a fine career, but these feelings will not leave me easily.


  1. We're there for you and so proud of what you have accomplished thus far and what you will accomplish in the future with your devotion to both your family & the Navy!
    Love you, MOM & DAD

  2. Ditto what mom said, since I've typed and deleted my response a number of times! I can't possibly know the magnitude of what you will be feeling, but judging from how I feel being away from my kids for a weekend, it will be painful for you, and for them. Hopefully you'll get in a groove of work, and they will get in a groove of school, and you'll look forward to each other's notes and pictures, and time will move quickly. I'm sure you're busy getting ready to go, but spend as much time cuddling and tickling with K and T (and Frank, too!!), because, in my revision of a much-said quote, "no one ever says, 'I wish I would have spent more time getting things organized for deployment'" :)

    You'll want to leave knowing these last few weeks were full of smiles, fun, and understanding, not stress and chaos.

    Have I exceeded my blogger word limit yet?? Love ya'!!